Burning Simon Bridges

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!

So, congratulations to Simon Bridges for winning the second round of ballots (I would love to know who got knocked out first; I must remember to ask T next time I see them) to get what is without a doubt the most difficult job in politics: leader of the opposition*.

And while Bridges was not my first choice he was certainly not my last (that goes to a tie-off between Joyce and Mitchell) as given the field of candidates the caucus could have done a lot worse than choose bridges. However the choice to retain Paula Bennett as deputy I do think is a serious mistake as she is part of the Gang of Five clique and little more than a heavily soiled receptacle of political gibberish and atavistic greed.

Bridges, to his credit, has come out of the situation talking conciliatory talk and even making a few political admissions (like regarding the Housing Hernia and tax cuts) which show that he (or Mathew Hooton) knows better than to crow it up and strut around in the wake of a five way leadership contest and instead opt for a period of healing rather than brutal consolidation (that will come later).

Also, there has been talk of a reshuffle of roles in the shadow cabinet (there is that consolidation we noted) and some murmuring of a policy re-set (although I will believe that when I see it) and even bridges “discovering” his Maori background so you can’t say that he is not doing his best to keep things on an even keel in this time of transition for National.

But in the current political climate such things do not go without comment and nobody was wasting any time on having their say.

From the left side of the spectrum comment on Bridges win has been predictable with the Daily Blog summing up the winners and losers accurately but top points go to Gordon Campbell for beating me to the punch in noting the eerie similarities to now and 2002, with the then anointment of Bill English to leader and his being sent on the “suicide mission” of trying to win the up-coming election, to Bridges and the pending 2020 election.

However if there were some negative and catty comments from the Left about Bridges that pales to the either mute (possibly stunned) silence or outright vitriol from the Right.

Who would have thought it but its seems that Bridges may not have to worry about getting fried like a crispy chicken in the house over Nationals (and his) links to the Shane Jones “slush fund” scandal but instead may need a fire retardant suit to deal with the backlash from conservative commentators and his own party.

Picture the scene: Bridges has just moved his box of stuff into his new office, passing a dejected looking Bill English in the hall and, on entering, notes that Bill has not emptied his rubbish bin (now overflowing with used tissue and treasury papers) like he said he would. Then Simon unpacks and places his feet up on the desk, taking a moment to savor the view and the scent of the air so close to the apex of political power while figuring out if he can get access to the “secret menu” for leaders that Bellamy’s is rumored to have when he is interrupted by his secretary alerting him to Barry Soper’s negative review of him in the NZ Herald.

Less than 24 hours into Bridges job as leader and the knives were out and Soper was first cab off the rank in the attack by saying that National, under Bridges, “were counting themselves out of the next election” only to follow up later by calling his first full day as leader “rubbish”. Of course it’s clear that Bridges was not Soper's first choice for taking over National but even I don’t feel that cruel to kick a man on his first day on the job. Jeeze Barry, way to be a bitch!

And for the record its completely wrong to say that electing Bridges was going to lose National the 2020 election as any of the five candidates would have had a herculean task ahead of them and, as already noted, be more than likely heading out on a suicide mission in trying to beat Jacinda first time around.

But wait there is more with well-known John Key fetishist and Right wing aficionado Mike Hosking getting the boot in followed by his media parasite partner Kate Hawkesby, stating the obvious (and as already noted incorrect) view that the 2020 election is a bust under Bridges. Neither of these two dimwits knows what they are talking about and are just parroting the same tired message, of sticking with the Gang of Five (ie no change) as well as echoing what the blue bloods in Remuera think, rather than considering the bigger situation.

And there is more than just a hint of snobbery at play from Hoskings and Hawkesbury, as with Bridges and Bennett (the new B Team) at the helm of National NZ has its first fully Westie political leadership, so it’s not going to be hard to see how the older and patrician elements in National are going to feel about leopard skin décor and Holden burnouts on the Beehive lawn.

Having mixed and mingled with them (the National party) before I am very aware that it’s important to have been to the right (or possibly Right) school and have an appropriate ancestry (ie nice and WASP) to be accepted**. Bridges and Bennett will be working hard to make friends in those circles but it’s well known that Bennett is already despised due to her background and given the reaction so far it seems that Simon has his work cut out for him.

Even the normally vocal Kiwiblog has been rather silent on Bridges ascension with nary but this one post about who the blogs readers think should have been leader (hint: it’s not Bridges). Maybe David is taking his time and seeing whats what before giving his opinion but its rather unlike him to not fire off at least a quick post on such a subject quick smart.

My take on all of this is to wish Bridges well and the best of luck as while he has made it to the top it’s clear that the struggle has only just begun and he will have to get the house of National in order before he even starts taking Labour to task (and with the TPPA and Shane Jones slush fund scandal there is work for the opposition to do).

Also I am willing to give Bridges kudos for taking the risk in a role he must know is not safe or secure given the political climate and for making even minor deviations from the long held National party line but as I said at the start of this post, being opposition leader is the most difficult job in politics and Simons difficulties have already begun.

Finally I must admit that when I heard of Bridges winning the job the first thing that popped into my head was this I Dream of Jeanie skit from Robot Chicken. I am not sure why but with time (and help from my therapist, psychic and accountant) I am sure we will know.

Vootie!

*-In some countries you can be jailed, tortured or even killed for being an opposition leader

**-And for those wondering about mine, I did go to an acceptable school but lied outright about my heritage as I have a mixed background and am a failed catholic to boot