Don't kid yourself Gerry, its a demotion not a promotion!

I suppose you could file this under catty but if NZ Politics has shown me anything its that there are different types of politicians.

Some are well meaning but ineffectual (like Andrew Little); some are dynamic but dangerous (like John Key and Winston Peters); some are purely predatory (Judith Collins); some are seat warming drones (many of them) and some are bumblers (walking disasters which always do more damage than good and bump from one crisis to the next leaving a trail of damage behind them).

Let’s not mince words here.

Murray McCully was a bumbler of a politician.

He was put in the ministerial backwater of Foreign Affairs to keep him out of harm’s way (and out of the country as much as possible) and yet he still managed to muck things up.

His term at MFAT lead to a revolt among the diplomats and shady things like the Saudi Sheep deal showed McCully doing the best to pull the wool (pun intended) over the eyes of his cabinet colleagues to NZ being conned.

And these are his contribution to NZ politics and these are what he will be remembered for.

30 years of warming a seat and collecting a pay check and his legacy was to bring the normally duplicitous but always genteel diplomats of NZ to behave in the most undiplomatic of ways and to be outmaneuvered by some foreign shakedown crew.

And even now after eight years as foreign minister, his face and diplomatic passport are not enough to prevent him from being searched at the border in Auckland. My guess is that the "administrative error" was more likely a deliberate and well timed reminder of his position in the real world and not whatever bubble he has been living in.

Bumble, bumble and bumble some more.

And now with McCully being put out to pasture and from what I hear not a moment too soon. He was like one of those characters out of Yes Minister or Reggie Perrin, all pomp and circumstance and with shades of Colonel Blimp about him.

But now we have another human cartoon character, Gerry Brownlee, taking over from Duffer McCully.

And again let’s not mince words here either.

Brownlee IS a bumbler par excellence, from trying to start a war with Finland to mucking up the Christchurch Rebuild, to corruption at CERA and, like McCully, behaving as if he was some pompous ass whenever anyone says anything which is not down with his majesties narrow view of things.

And Brownlee has been such a bumbler that he was moved to the dead end policy backwater of Defence as a means to keep him out of sight and busy (and like McCully out of the country as much as possible) and now with the SFO sniffing around CERA and the rebuild still grinding along, the most hated man in Christchurch is being moved to Foreign Affairs to minimize his actions and behaviors with the coming election.

It’s not a promotion; it’s a demotion, clear and simple. Gerry is being put under wraps until the heat has died down and maybe, just maybe, if National wins the election, he might be allowed back out.

I always found it disturbingly ironic that such a disaster of a politician would be made the minister of Civil Defence but then perhaps John Key did have a sense of humor.

And with world affairs being so tense lately, I am counting the days until Gerry’s mouth says something that will either offend some nation or just utter another of his grossly atavistic remarks when his corpulent bulk is offended by the intrusion of reality.

Because Brownlee is Colonel Blimp in not just character but also in form and while I would normally refrain from digs about one’s physical form whenever I see Gerry booming through Wellington Airport like a Spanish treasure galleon in full sail I am always reminded of a comment shouted at him when he fronted up to a protest at Canterbury University in 1999.

It was the day after the students rioted and kicked off the occupation of the Registry building, they were angry about the rise in student fees and a massive rally was being held in the library quad.

Several politicians had been invited to speak (including Gerry Brownlee). Gerry stepped up, took the mic and opened his mouth but before any words could come out some wag in the crowd shouted “Who ate all the pies!” and the crowd roared with laughter.

Had it ended there things might not have gone the way they did Brownlee ploughed on and started to speak. Nothing he said made sense and by the end of it the light relief that had come from mocking him was replaced by a growing mood of fury and he was soon drowned out by the angry shouting of the crowd*.

He bumbled his way in and bumbled his way out.

In the safe confines of the debating chamber he can attempt to be glib and make a few snide remarks during question time but out in public he is political dog food when he speaks and his move to foreign affairs is Bill English doing pre-election damage control by putting Bumbler Brownlee somewhere he can inflict the least political damage (far away from issues like water, housing, corruption, immigration and the economy) with his mouth or his actions.

So let’s not fool ourselves, this is not a promotion for him it’s a demotion or at best a “promotion upstairs” (as they say in the world of business) to get this political disaster of a man out of the way and out of the public eye before the he remind the voting public about all the very worst things that National stands for.

Both McCully and Brownlee are cut from the same cloth, political deadwood which, once in office, cannot be removed and like some wafting stench from across the fence that won’t go away quickly.

And people worry about North Korea having nukes.

*-Including a particularly vocal segment who had taken to chanting "Who ate all the pies!" again and again.